Teenie Thoughts

I LOVE this band.

I am feeling a bit melancholy and it fits my mood today… so I am copying Amy and saying Music Monday.

Lady Antebellum
All We’d Ever Need

Boy it’s been all this time
And I can’t get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

[Bridge]
Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I’ve prayed for you to say..

[Chorus]
I should’ve been chasing you
I should’ve been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should’ve said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could’ve made you believe
That what we had was all we’d ever need

My friends think I’m moving on
But the truth is I’m not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

I’ve kept all the words you’ve said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me

[Bridge]
But if you’re happy
I’ll get through somehow
But the truth is
I’ve been screaming out..

[Chorus]
I should’ve been chasing you
I should’ve been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should’ve said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could’ve made you believe
That what we had was all we’d ever need

It was all we’d ever need
I thought it was all we’d ever need
Ohh

[Chorus]
I should’ve been chasing you
I should’ve been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me

I should’ve said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe I could’ve made you believe
That what we had, mmm
Ohh that what we had
What we had
It was all we’d ever need

Amy got her license today. 

I could probably leave the entry at that and you would ALL understand. Instead, I am going to apologize for these few things.

1. In case she kills her car and you are behind her and need to pee. Sorry. Sometimes it takes her trying to break the starter to get it going again.

2. She kills it and you don’t have to pee but are annoyed to see someone who is driving a stick not really know how to do it.

3. She runs over your flowers. Or your dog. Or something.

4. She drives too slow and you need to haul ass around her. Sorry. She is somewhat of a grandma driver which I am COMPLETELY happy with you Mario Andretti, you.

5. She parks wonky and you can’t squeeze into the spot next to her. Actually, not really sorry for this. I am hoping for no door dings and if she takes up 2 spots. Good for her. She learned well.

6. She takes ten years to turn around the corner. She is counting gears to 2nd to make sure she doesn’t kill it. Refer to number 1 and 2 to those apologies in case it happens.

7. You are stuck behind her on a hill. Your own issue if you get too close. You might smell burnt rubber or fear for your front bumper, but she can do it.

8. You have to sit through a red light. Ya, you know why.

9. She looks like she isn’t going to stop behind you, but then does at the last minute. Yeah, this scares the shit out of me too. Close your eyes and pray-that is the only advice I can give.

10. She takes your favorite parking spot because now, she can!

So—Sorry. Kinda.

I think this could be me. Well, with a bit of a  sex change, omit the Cherry flavored and just zoom in on his sickness signals. Tissue. Wandering around searching for relief…. coughing, sneezing, a sad pathetic look on his face as he lives in pajamas for the day.

Dang it. I want someone to take care of me.

My friend Amy turned 40 this summer. She has lots of mixed emotions over it, but I think she is FABULOUS at 40. I look at her and see how much she has accomplished this year and I am so proud of her. I can’t wait to hear all about her trip to Mexico.

Anyway, Amy loves The Wizard of Oz, so for her birthday, her sister bought us tickets to see WICKED. And let me tell you right NOW if you have not seen it, you need to RUN -not walk-RUN right out and get tickets to see it. TWICE. You need to see it TWICE. I thought I was going to DIE because it was so marvelous.

Leah kept apologizing that we were in the nose bleed section. But I decided that there wasn’t a bad seat in the house. We could hear everything-I could see everything (exept when the dude in front of me kept leaning foward like a freaking rocking chair) and it was amazing. We saw it at the Paramount Theater in Seattle. I was LOVING it. It was dark and not exactly new–but very retro and historic and awesome. All at once it was all of those things. OH and we ate sushi at the Dragonfish asian cafe. I think I was in sushi heaven.

During the show I look over and there is the OLDEST lady sitting next to me. She has her little opera glasses to get a closer peak (Think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman–Oh look! A band!) She also had some serious brown lip liner going on and wrinkles so deep that Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies looked like an Oil of Olay model. She also took her shoes off during the show and wrapped a crotcheted shawl around her shoulders. I am trying to remember exactly what color her hair was dyed–an auburn-y brown over gray. So you know, pink. it was pulled back in a bun and she had thick black glasses. She may have been a bit asian as well—

So as we are leaving, Leah looks and said, wow. That woman got comfy and took off her shoes and all that. I said–she wasn’t happy when we left to use the restroom and seemed a bit put out during intermission. (Hello, that is why they call it intermission–so you can tinkle without getting in people’s way!) And then…Leah said–Yeah, well, she looks like Sponge Bob Square Pants’ Gramma.

OMG.

She did. She totally did.

I remembered what else was effed up and why I couldn’t actually tell y’all about it when it happened. The whole reason I was like DUDES! REALLY?

My computer crashed. My NEW computer crashed. I had to be 300 bucks to get it fixed. Yep. Something about frying a mother board from a bad processor or “hey, look you got a lemon” type of thing. Oh, my new computer was just not NEW enough to be covered under warranty any longer. By like oh, 3 months.

Did I mention those threes? Apparently I got wrapped up in needing a mole trap that I truly forgot the entire reason I was posting.

Mole trap—dude so next.

Dude. For Real. THREES. Or maybe variations of THREES.

I feel like I have been forking out money for some sort of wonky break down-hey I might need to be replaced-or this is a new cost associated with-or your cheap contract of service has expired-type of crap for the past 2 weeks. I think the kicker is when my sliding glass door had to be replaced. Well, the GLASS had to be replaced. To the tune of 1000 bucks.

No, I didn’t stutter. No I didn’t hit the 0 key and hold it down. One-THOUSAND dollars. For two panes of GLASS that took all of 30 minutes to install.

The funny thing is we have been Jonesing for french doors. We didn’t want to spend 1000 bucks on french doors. No way. That is too much money. Expensive. Wasted. Well, it really didn’t frickin matter anyway because apparently the size of our door is not the norm. We already knew that because we had a deck built–and then added hardwood floors inside, french doors wouldn’t open correctly and we would need some serious renovation for it to happen; hence the 1000 bucks plus.

Well, the seal went bad in our current window and it looked like mildew was between the panes. I tried to call every glass shop known to man to get a swingin deal. No such luck. Dammit. I get the estimate for one pane as I think at the time it is only one side. They come out and do the measure-y stuff. The nice man tells me that my door is 1/2 inch bigger and an 1/2 inch taller than standard so he has to special order the glass. SPECIAL ORDER the glass is code word for “I want your money.”  He then kindly said, with the difference in size, we don’t carry it so if it were standard, the cost would be 90 dollars for hte pane and 90 to install it. Instead, 400 for the pane and 90 to install it. FOR ONE HALF INCH OF GLASS DIFFERENCE.

Well smack my hiney and call me Sally. Seriously. 300 bucks more. Oh, and that would be times two because hello—a few days later, the mildew was showing in pane number 2. I really enjoyed handing over the credit card for that one.

I think I would have been healed from the traumatic experience except my stupid Beetle convertible suddenly had a headlight go out. THEN I got in it to take it to the dealer to have it replaced when I found out I didn’t have to pay the 150 bucks because it was still under warranty—to have my convertible top stop working.

Are you KIDDING ME?

They fixed it. For free. It was something stupid. Ok, but the stress people. The stress. Because I live with Mr. Anal Compulsive Car Man—you know him. He spit shines the dash and feels it up before he goes to sleep at night. He might even peek at it to make sure the dust from the air hasn’t settled on the leather seats. So you can imagine what happens the NEXT day when I have a flat tire on my beautiful Expedition.

Armageddon.

Not kidding.

I finally convinced him to let me take care of it on Monday. WHICH I did like a big girl. Only, when I told him it was a nail—suddenly I need to have some sort of super 6th sense to detect metal particles in the road to avoid them from puncturing my tires.

Dude if I figure that out, I will be SURE to patent it because I could b RICH and afford ALL the tires in the WORLD. THE WORLD I tell you…

Is that three things? I think those are the three that aren’t necessarily the most expensive but the most aggravating over the last weekend. Tack on having my house toilet papered recently and waking to find stray squares of TP in my yard, kids toilet a perpetual flood to some sort of handle/component issue,  almost getting eaten by a rabid rottweiler when I walked out on MY front porch, or dropping my favorite huge-ass-bowl in the sink and cracking it and its just a whopper of a few weeks. Did I mention I also have a mole in my newly grassed back yard?

Next installation might just be some sort of tribute to CaddyShack as I play Whack A Mole.

Dear Dude in the POS Honda from the other night,

I understand that you had visited Home Depot and were in a rush to get home. I understand that. Please understand that it was Andie’s birthday and I let Amy drive her car home. The car that was a stick. The car that she has not driven since she broke her foot. Did I mention stick/clutch?

I know that you felt it was necessary to honk your horn at the intersection light RIGHT outside of Home Depot when she killed it. I get it. Because the 2 seconds it took her to restart it and get moving was somehow imperative to your transportation home and those 2 seconds really did mean it was life or death.
I appreciate your need to RIDE HER ASS the entire way through Covington and into Maple Valley. Note that she didn’t kill it nor did she drive like a maniac or grandma. She was doing a fine job as a new driver that was not used to driving a clutch. Oh yeah, with a recently broken foot.

I am very thankful or your intensity and increased need to tail gate right around the corner at the light when of course you had to go the same way we were–right into the neighborhood. The tailgating as Amy was learning to downshift and adjust speed around a corner and she saw you ride up on her bumper and she killed it. And you got pissed. And honked. Several times. Thank you for teaching my new driver that there are assholes on the road. Thank you for that lesson and one that I followed up with as—” Obviously he is going HOME and there is not a dire need. I doubt he is having a baby, a siezure, or a heart attack if he is going HOME. There is no hospital in Elk Run, nor is there a grocery store, pharmacy, or police station. So in the future when someone is riding your butt and knows you are a new driver of a stick shift, he can suck it. Take your time, be safe, and re-engage your car”

So sir, Suck it.

Warmly,
Tina