When You Don’t Want to Crash Your Boat

That is what I did. Only, I wasn’t trying to salvage my boat
against a rocky and unexpected shore. Actually, I was trying
to find a part of me that was hiding out in a lighthouse.

I am not sure if I found it entirely, but I do know what I did find.

I found that I am capable of so much more than I allow myself to be.
I might even be more afraid of success than I am of failure.
I have been talking about going to a lighthouse since—
well I can’t even remember. Probably since I started decorating
 our powder room in a nautical/lighthouse type theme.
 Who knows how long that has been. I do know that I started
talking about actually GOING and TAKING PICTURES of lighthouses over
mid winter break. Seriously again over spring break.

And I just didn’t do it. Why? I know several reasons. Sometimes it
is hard to say those reasons out loud. Sometimes what you think
are reasons are just excuses for the truth. I thought that Jase
would  be really mad at me if I went–irritated that it is
 far and the money it would cost for me to do something.
I thought that no one would want to go with me while I took
pictures so I didn’t do it. I thought it would be too much for
others to put up with while I did it. I was afraid I wouldn’t
enjoy myself if I was worried about other people.
And really, I think I was just living in azone of
“Things I want to do” but believing that they would be
 ”things I would never do”.

Because I just didn’t really have the courage to
do them. What if I was good at it? What if I really
liked it and wanted to do it again? What then?

So I did it. I went to Dungeness Point and walked FIVE
miles to the lighthouse.I cannot even begin to describe the
beauty of the trip. From the moment I pulled into Sequim
and got lost. From the second I saw
that someone had a HUGE sense of humor when naming the
street signs. Yes. I turned off of Hooker Rd onto Kitchen-
Dick road. After I passed Woodcock Rd, then I would look
for the turn off.

HOW can you compete with that? I couldn’t ignore it. It was fate.

Pulling into the preservation was amazing. The trees. The green.
It was waiting for me. I totally believe it was waiting for me.

I walked to the volunteer that gave me a map and explained how
the hike worked. I filled out my envelope, donated my
three dollars and entered this.  (and note that the photos are cut
off, but click on them and you can see the entire photo)
 
The path was sheltered in greenery and lit up by the sun that
 tried to peek through.I was mesmerized by the red huckleberry bushes
and the signs that were embedded in the ground as I walked
through the path. I wanted to touch everything and record
every moment. Every breath. Every second.

By the time I reached the viewpoint an older gentleman and his
grand daughter were looking through the binocular thingie
bob. He was so kind as he talked to me and said he used
to see the lighthouse from his ship in the navy. I wanted
to hear his story as he was busy explaining how much this
place meant to him. Of course, I was fiddling with my geek bag
of camera equipment and making  sure my tripod was secured
 to the holster of my geek backpack. It was. I snapped
a shot of this too.

I walked down to the spit and saw that on one side was the
reserve that was closed off. This was on the right hand side
of the driftwood which provided the DO NOT ENTER barrier.
You could snap pictures, but you couldn’t disturb the wildlife
there. I was mesmerized by the size of the driftwood. It was
as tall as me and as long as a house.

The tide was out and I walked against the surf and just absorbed
the sun. I took pictures of gulls flying. I took pictures of birds diving
off a big EASEL thing in the water. I don’t even know what to call it.
It looked like a big EASEL thing with a platform and birds on it.

Like I said, the driftwood was amazing and provided wonderful
frames for the water. I could have spent DAYS just looking
at the big trees and wondering what it was like before they
were in the graveyard called a spit.

I walked. FOREVER. Finally, I got to the lighthouse–I took
a bazillion pictures of the lighthouse. I was a bit disoppointed
because I was so excited I forgot to pay attention
to the sunlight and many of the close ups have spots of
 sun. But I love every one.

 
Then. I CLIMBED to the top of the lighthouse.
YES. The TOP. INSIDE. BY THE LIGHT. I was excited as I
 climbed the skinny staircase of spiral stairs that were so
 close together that even my feet were like WOW-this is
close! Then, at the top, there was a LADDER of
tiny metal steps that went straight up.I DID THAT TOO!
 I looked around the spit–which is the longest in the world and
thought to myself, I AM HERE. I DID IT. I really did. I took this from inside.

 I I walked down the steps and a room that used to hold the
kerosene.Now, it held treasures that were found on
the beach. A few of the treaures made me realize how full circle
I had come. THERE on the ledge were six little wooden
flags written with sharpie. EMAIL THIS WITH DATE BOAT
NUMBER and LOCATION when found.

The boats my school sends off from Camp Casey every year.
 I couldn’t believe it.

I ate my lunch. Then.

I walked five miles back from the lighthouse which felt
like 45. The tide was inso there was no compact sand to walk on.
Just rocky, sandy beach that sucked. Did I mention it sucked?
My legs felt like moosh and i wondered if I sat down
would someone on a four wheeler come and save me.

I doubted it.

I took pictures for hours. I met and talked to people that I
have never seen before. I laughed at a tourist family from
somewhere that doesntspeak English and probably Japan–
as they walked the hike with Grandpa, Grandma
Mom, Dad and a son who carried a cooler for FIVE miles that
had a WHOLE FREAKING WATERMELON IN IT. YES, he carried a
WATERMELON FIVE miles in a cooler. A watermelon.

On the way back as I was tired, dragging my sunburned
ass back the freaking five miles to the top I saw this.

There are no words as I saw the sun shining high in the
sky. As I walked on the rocky sand that enveloped
my feet on every step. I hobbled and I watched children
stick their feet into the surf. The freezing surf mind you,
and I thought, how wonderful this place is.

I can’t talk enough about the lighthouse. The preservation
and what it entails. SO, I am going to post the link.
 New Dungeness Lighthouse.

You should go. Really. I am already planning on
taking my kids and signing up to be a keeper for
 a week next summer. I am also planning on going to other
 lighthouses in our area.

I was so pooped after the day I totally crashed in my hotel.
I couldn’t move.Well, in a good way. I was exhausted
 from just taking pictures and entertaining only myself.
It was more than I had ever thought it would be.
And yes, it was a success and as scared as I was to do that.
I know I can do it again. And again. And be a success
 if I choose to be.

Even more so. I know that I want to be.