The Year of Teenie

2009 bought the farm. Let me repeat that. BOUGHT THE FARM. Seriously. If I could scream it from every corner and every window and at every single person that walks by me; I would.

Let me demonstrate. 2009  BOUGHT THE FARM BITCHES!

I can’t even begin to explain the transformation my soul took over the course of the year. I have experienced more hurt, more pain, more bullshit than I ever expected to. I have lost friends, gained friends, fought with my spouse, survived a teen wrecking my car (twice) cancer scares, stupid people entering my life without my permission and god knows what else. That might just be last January for all I remember.

I had posted a few times that I didn’t want this blog to represent a big whiney place for me. So I just didn’t write. I tried to come back a few times but my heart wasn’t in it. There was too much suckage going on. I can honestly say that I was never a crier. Then. 2009 happened. I think I have contributed to the deforestation process through the use of TP and Kleenex. I became what I despise. Someone who cannot control her emotions.

I am pretty sure I have scared a few people with my frantic sobbing episodes. Heart wrenching, soul tearing, lets end with a puke session, crying jag. God I am sick of those. They are completely over rated and have no benefit whatsoever. Well, maybe they do if you do it ONCE.

I have had more adult conversations in the last year than I care to remember. I have had more accusations thrown at me….hell, even those I am throwing at people, and just well, crap.

I think my blog could have been titled : Crappy Thoughts. Because holy shit….there was always a pile of crap somewhere that I was dodging.

I guess amongst the crap there is always something good too. I did have a few bright shiny spots that made me feel like I could hold off on medicating myself. Those include how I realized that true friends do exist. Those friends that bring you flowers, tuck you in bed, supply the tissue to offset being investigated by the TP FBI, and the booze. THE BOOZE. Dude. I can thank many good friends for driving me home. Or sitting by me and my fireplace enjoying the elixir of red. Yes. Shiraz. Thank you Shiraz for being my friend. I have needed you this year. And Vodka. The liquor of my people. Thank you.

But really—I have found that those friends near and far will hold my secrets tight. Will hold me tight. And will always-always keep me safe. I am not sure I realized how fortunate I am that way.

So 2010. All I have to say is BRING IT BABY. There is NO way this year could compete for the Shit Trophy of 2009. So, I am saying. Let this be the year of ME. I am done feeling guilty for other people’s effin up. I am done feeling guilty or worrying about perceptions that do not make the truth. I am also done NOT holding people accountable to me…and to my feelings.

I am not some sniveling, whiney, crybaby that can’t handle life. I am here to embrace it.

So 2010. Bring it. It is the year of Teenie. I promise.